Opinion: World Kamikaze Championships
The other week I was invited to be on the Byline panel at the NUJ in London, alongside Peter Jukes, Peter York, Carole Cadwalladr, and Mary Fitzgerald. We were having a chat about big data, disinformation, and how to make populations commit acts of voluntary harikari.
As I point out from about 38.45, we have all fallen willing victim to Russia and a bunch of well meaning white men with pillowcases on their heads...
Since then, the world has continued challenging kamikaze pilots in the “best way to end it all while taking as many people down with you as possible” championships.
President Trump, a yuge fan of the colour orange and men in pointy white hoods, decided not to implement sanctions on the man who appears to own his sex tapes, having spent a week distracting people with banal screams of FAKE NEWS, a continued pop at sports people who wouldn't pick him for the team, and escalating threats of a nuclear apocalypse.
Meanwhile another white-supremacist, Nigel Farage - first named as the back-channel between the Trump administration and cupboard dwelling rape suspect Julian Assange in Alternative War – has found himself back in the Trump-Russia inquiry spotlight courtesy of Roger Stone. With any luck, the level of glare from Farage's pristine white uniform with that funny little K logo will light him up as the beacon of “great white hope” he really is. Like a pissed Tiki torch, mullered on Stolichnaya.
Twitter, fast overtaking Argentina as the number one Nazi emigration destination, has not only provided the perfect leg up to poor men in the wake of the Harvey Weinstein allegations – because that glass floor needs to be lowered, not smashed – but, it transpires, really is as bad as Facebook and Google. In the run up to the election of America's first mangled, apricot hell-beast, it provided the perfect platform for the Russian disinformation machine to target swing states. They might as well change their advertising slogan to “Flipping The Bird At Women, Everywhere.”
But it's not just The Twitters. Apparently those Russians really are crafty. Not content with stemming the tide of annoying diet posts and domestic discord on Farcebook, they were also targeting that well known social media hell-hole Pinterest. Even the sanctuary of misspelled, inspirational love quotes and ways to help your kids glue things to your walls and furniture has come under attack.
At home in the UK, the battle to become the biggest twat in history continues in the House of Commons. May seems to have had this in the bag, now taking Britain towards an inevitable No Lube Brexit, for reasons which can best be explained by David Davis being drunk and stupid. But Labour are not content with this, so Corbz has raised the game and decided to become the biggest, beardy hypocrite ever to emerge from the primordial slime of an Islington allotment. Oh, you would vote to remain if it came around again would you Jezza? I guess we'll find out when the question comes up in New Venezuela…