Crowdfunded Journalism

Blowing Smoke

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J.J. PatrickWorldwide
Blowing Smoke
Comment: A ridiculous cartoon character meets a pastiche of Victoriana, reality slowly sobs from within the confines of a layer cake made from bull excrement, and the general public continues to reject truth, suckling instead at the teat of a deranged nursemaid whose entire body is a cynical advert.

Before any of the usual "citation needed" nonsense starts to be requested, this is a comment: an opinion. An informed one. A personal one. But opinion nonetheless. It's not tarted up as fact, though it's based on an assessment of them.

And I'm not sorry. You need dissenting voices, because the rest of it is just smoke blowing up your arse.

"I can't think of a better way to tell both Trump and Putin to get knotted than by making a windmill into a weapon."

First, let's deal with the NATO Summit - an utterly predictable charade of whataboutery, perpetrated by Putin's man-child in the White House.

We spent a whole day listening to a single soundbite of the tangerine horror-machine accusing Germany of being beholden to Russia. A whole day of that bloated windbag gobbing off about Merkel being a hostage to Putin. The truth of it is projection and deflection, reported on for hours without rejection.

Trump serves one purpose: he was installed to destroy America's place on the world stage - something he's going to do very well on, come his annual appraisal with Gepetto next week. But, a specific part of his tasking is to disrupt both the EU and NATO.

While he will eventually fail in this, as the EU and NATO will simply reshape around each other, probably without the US or the UK, the Soviet whataboutery was perfect. "I colluded bigly with Russia, but what about your gas deal?"

It's top trolling, straight from the mouth of the Kremlin, and it was used with surgical precision to implant a tailored narrative of hypocrisy. But the real purpose of it was to take eyes off the serious messages of the NATO summit - that Russia is the top threat to peace and stability - and to distract from the nugget which came later: the primary task of Trump.

After the pleasantries ended, Trump indicated the US would "do its own thing" from January 2019, unless more financial commitment came from European leaders.

The disintegration of NATO and the fracture of the trans-Atlantic alliance, which has kept world wars in check for many years, is part of Putin's strategic wish list. So, it coudn't have gone any better.

I probably don't need to say this but you should be seriously worried because, once NATO goes up in smoke, that Eastern border problem is going to be coming to your doorstep and no amount of innovative jam is going to help.

There is a solution to this argument though, and it came from the eminently less despairing end of my sofa. My partner is a genius, suggesting earlier that if NATO members included spending on renewable energy resources as part of critical infrastructure defence within the sphere of hybrid warfare, then this would settle not only the budget but the whataboutery too.

I can't think of a better way to tell both Trump and Putin to get knotted than by making a windmill into a weapon. Ploughshares for a modern era.

" It's no surprise the same government which has coldly executed trees in order to produce 98 pages of shite acceptable to nobody has now admitted we all need to stock up on tinned goods."

Secondly, as Trump moves on from disrupting NATO to offending the UK - a kingdom now little more than a caricature of the Victorian period and about as long for life as the Dodo was in 1681 - haunted mannequin Theresa May unleashed the Brexit White Paper.

By having some MPs throw it at others like a handful of dog poo with the pin pulled out, it's stench-ridden appeareance even caused the Speaker to suspend proceedings, until the national pantomime of shame we call Parliament could get back to jeering and guffawing. And now we now have yet another Brexit. A practical one. Which is impossible.

The Conservatives have wasted two years arguing between themselves and settled on a version of Brexit not a soul can agree with, driving the ridiculous Civil War of Eton into overdrive and leaving Rome to burn. Even banking - once universally hated - has decided this lot are too much.

We've always been headed for no deal, that's the truth. So,  it's no surprise the same government which has coldly executed trees in order to produce 98 pages of shite acceptable to nobody has now admitted we all need to stock up on tinned goods.

Calmly, quietly, our neighbours shake their heads in disbelief at the idiot across the stream. Bewildered as we make claims we can fix this by persuading Merkel to take our deal. Reality, unlike the football, is coming home. And our 27 soon to be former trading partners will not blink.

There are many layers to Brexit. The Russians. The millionaires who've invested for a no deal outcome as it makes them the most money. The power mad extremists. But there is a part of me which also believes privilege is partly to blame. People who've always gotten everything they want genuinely felt if they played chicken with a truck while riding their unicycle the much bigger lorry would lose.

Physics is a cold-hearted bitch. And this is going to end in more than a boo-boo for the nanny to kiss better.

"The longer you hold out hope on a fantasy, the more likely it is you won't have a tin of food in the cupboard the day it all goes tits up and the hysterical fallacy of a new Empire kicks your door in."

All the while, as Will Of The People becomes the British equivalent of Sieg Heil, falling from the gaping traps of the hate-filled and the complacent alike, there are still those who believe this can all be stopped.

News flash: nobody is coming to save you.

Facebook got fined. For a fundamentally US-centric data breach. SCL Elections are being investigated. For a US data issue. The ICO is going to change things in the future, acknowledging the present is up the shark-filled creek with your flayed limbs for a paddle.

And then we have the holy six tests of Labour.

Truth be told, there is no opposition. I've seen more resistance from a 5p carrier bag in a tornado.

Finally, we have the delusion of the people's vote and parliament throwing the brakes on.

Breaking: it's not happening. The Withdrawal Bill is law, animals can't feel pain, and Brexit means Brexit.

Parliament isn't going to have a meaningful vote, because, even if it did, there is no will to reverse Article 50.

And forget about any general election too. At best we'll end up with Rees-Mogg and emergency legislation next April Fool's Day - which you'll all think is a joke until his face is broadcast on your screens 24 hours a day, spouting off about events from a past as long dead as the era he teleported in from.

Stop lying to yourselves, that's my advice. The longer you hold out hope on a fantasy, the more likely it is you won't have a tin of food in the cupboard the day it all goes tits up and the hysterical fallacy of a new Empire kicks your door in, to hang you as a traitor.

Put your investment in how you are going to get through together, because this is never going to be fixed. It's going to take longer to come back around than the time which has elapsed since we last held the World Cup.

"The biggest news organisations in the world are masquerading as tiny local papers, taking your cash over the counter, alongside millions in advertising, while begging you for donations and also harvesting your data."

Lastly, the established media has evolved into a creature beyond parody. As bad as politics itself.

The biggest news organisations in the world are masquerading as tiny local papers, taking your cash over the counter, alongside millions in advertising, while begging you for donations and also harvesting your data, in order to bombard you with tailored, emotive marketing.

Crassly hypocritical though it is, you are feeding them like trolls in a farm and many of you have actually bought into it, much to your own detriment. After all, it's because of desperation that snake oil has always sold.

And it gets worse, because these media giants are now attacking each other. Not because of ethics, or morality, or the "greater good." It's simply down to the change in the media landscape, facilitated by Social Media and internet broadcasting, which has left them all fighting for shares on a playing field which used to be walled into segments.

It's cynical, vomit-inducing, and as effective at parting you from money and common sense as it always has been. This is, however, the shape of the future. So get used to it.

And I'll leave you to discuss this final thought:

As a crowd-funded journalist I get nothing unless you decided to support my work, so surely this is just sour grapes on my part? Well, feel free to cancel your subscriptions. Because I'll keep doing what I'm doing for free, for as long as I think you're not completely lost.

Peace.

#Trump, #NATO, #Merkel, #Brexit, #Theresa May, #Putin, #Russia, #Rees-Mogg, #MSM

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